Goodbye Summer

Summer is over. More so this season than previously, I feel like it was finished before it began. Just keeping up with the girls while they weren't in camp or school caused a severe time vortex. Now we're adjusting to a new schedule--Edie started kindergarten last week, which I think is only now beginning to hit me. She still seems so young, and in most ways she is. Five is little, but there she is walking into her classroom all by herself with her pink Hello Kitty backpack. All things considered she's doing well--some anxiety over drop-off, but at pickup she's told me that school is "awesome" and Mrs. Banks is "the best teacher ever." Oh, and she's in love, but she can't remember the boy's name. For her part June is at a new preschool five days a week and began today--she barely noticed when I said goodbye. She's used to it, having been in preschool last year, so no worries there. There's a sadness starting to surface, mixed with relief that I now have some time to myself again. My emotions are clashing so heavily that they seem to be somewhat wiping each other out.

The suddenness of having time again is part of my disorientation. Frankly, I don't know what to do with myself. Not that this is new, the procrastination/anxiety game I tend to play with myself, but I feel emptied out right now. My brain must be trying to process the somewhat empty-nest syndrome somewhere in my subconscious. I've also moved my office to the third floor which feels more official and private, and new as well. My to-do list for the day has nothing checked off--I still haven't sent my grandmother's birthday card, over a week late, or bought a pot for a new plant I purchased, or looked at my upcoming submission list. I really may crawl back into bed--my body and my mind are calling for some blankness. Sleep might help me organize, and process in a way I don't seem able to do here in front of the computer.

I'll get back into a routine eventually, but today simply feels odd.


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